B's life

my potential soul mate :

• be smart (book work preferably!)
• love black and white movies and enjoy watching it with me!
• she needs to have a cool accent, no ghetto lingo!
• she would need to do something other than retail, or fast food! (preferably someone in a professional job, who constantly tries to achieve higher in her carreer!)
• she got to love music but not push it onto me! i don’t mind whatever she likes but a great turn on would be if she likes RHCP or nirvana!
• she defnetly needs to be active, not boring by sitting down
• she needs to be caring! and thoughtfull!
• animal lover but not forced to buy one please!

i would want to have a long term relationship! i don’t mind dating 2-3 girls at the same time until i pass through the 6 months hump!

Just been reflecting on things lately, this weekend i haven’t gone to see the gf because she couldn’t see me because of her cousin.
I’m using this time to sort my life out and doing my own things.
I have gone to the gym and treated myself to a shirt and a tie, I know its boring. But hey lately I dont have a motivation to do and get anything. Just don’t see the point in buying things that’d I’d want I eventually give up onnit.

I just need sometime to care for myself as no one does want to care for me at a deeper level.

Just bought this book on the kindle on how to be an adult in a relationship so far it has hel me in calming myself down,
Yesterday when I was with C I got a bit jealous as she was talking to her Childs father on slype at dinner. I guess I shouldn’t have looked at her phone upside down.
I also felt a bit jealous because he is coming down permanently and I felt jealous and scared as to what that would mean? Does Oliver know about me and C?
Was it the reason she wanted to breaku with me a few days ago?

Not likely? I dont know as we are still together even though there is no spark or we are taking it very slow. I just don’t know.
For now I am acting as a friend towards her and hopefully we do get together in time,

Just also been thinking that because she will be a nurse in the future we won’t have much tine to ourself. Would that even help us build a relationship? Am I right to be with her?

Is my patience running thin? Would I be able to cope with it in the long run?

It feels risky but i don’t want to lose her.

Cheryl and I are together in some sort of relationship.
But we are having trouble here and there.

Last week we had an argument she said she wasnt feeling that she was ready for a relationship.
I was gutted. Felt lead on.
When we first talked about it, I was trying to convince her that’d I’d be there for here, but now it doesn’t matter.

I feel she never wanted me, I lied to myself.
She never wanted a guy like me, maybe the thought of us being together now wouldn’t work.
Sex and all the relationship was never considered.
I guess she would never have been with me to that level. I feel that no one would.
Feel like I’m always the best friend never boyfriend,

Arrrr